Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
吴越说99%都是按照剧本来演的，可见剧本有多扎实，而且不光扎实，还金句不断到处灵光，加持一批好演员，真是太好看。这才是喜剧该有的样子，高级的幽默，用场景和语言去做出来，不是用浮夸的表演和夸张场景设计出来的，但又不仅仅为了喜剧而喜剧，通篇充满了人情味。这部片子可以说是对上海这个城市最好的注脚了，就是那种从里到外的骨子里的高级感，人文情怀当然还有距离感，加上用上海话表演，更是妙不可言。这也才是上海应该有的“腔调”，我也看到了另外一种可能，既然港片用粤语，那种上海能不能出产更多的“沪片”
再更：是我浅了。很灵的片子。
太讨厌上海话了…………真的 在电影院要看吐了🤮
后半段绕进索菲亚罗兰里去了 由轻反重 堪称败笔了 整体上借力上海腔调 看得到灵光 温柔 平和 和一点点神性 佳作！
全程舒适。店名里藏了《红拂夜奔》，翻译和校对也藏了《红拂夜奔》。
很喜欢，这种属于中年人的都市轻喜剧在国产片里可太难得了，全程上海话非常好笑，上海人的生活情调和精打细算也处处体现。最惊喜的是甚至后半段渐渐偏离了爱情，徐峥和几个女人形成了一种微妙的和谐，毫不狗血。老乌和索菲亚罗兰那段简直是神来之笔，编剧非常有水平
有生之年还能体会到电影院的意义：大家一起放声大笑
很喜欢倪虹洁转身回到ktv的一次叹气，张牙舞爪的时候活得太正确了，那句叹气就像一个缺口，一个从正确步入真实的人生的缺口。
标记了4颗星。比3颗星多，但是离心目中的4颗星还有点距离。
私心给个五星。实在是太喜欢这种充满生活气息又慢悠悠的调调了，而且台词设计的很不错，第一次吃饭时那场打得有来有回，却不见半点火星，最后还是以促狭幽默结束，实在让人惊喜。
夹在一堆上海中年大妈里观影，你别说氛围还真的好哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!好欢乐!
每个城市都应该有这样一部电影。一开始有点伍迪艾伦的感觉，后来就是全是白描，也不输出什么价值，就是展示一下生活的断片。有几个片段看得出是特别精心准备的，一点点小刻意，凝结出一点诗意。
每个角色都各有各的鲜活，故事也非常自然。难得能看到这么出彩的爱情片！PS: 老白儿子那个角色演技太拉垮了……
最后费里尼的《爱情神话》看的是盗版资源，就像当年电影学院经典电影赏析课上放的盗版《罗生门》一样，具有某种幽默感。
现在的电影，通篇都是正确的————独立觉醒大女主，正确的；自信化妆美男子，正确的；小资情调费里尼，正确的。一部电影从头正确到尾，没有人性插足的落脚点，又离中国真正的阶级社会那么遥远，没看到人物的成长，没看到社会的痛点，镜头调度什么的也就是差强人意，只能说，作为一部商业片，满足了小资和精沪的畅销，却使我感到平淡如水。
大大超预期，法租界市井又洋气，马伊琍终于不土味了一次，看到徐峥在画廊里给两位女性观众道歉的那段就知道一定是女导演，只有女性才懂女性！让徐峥作为男导演在大荧幕上给全国女观众道歉绝对是中国电影史上最女权的一次！费里尼的爱情神话是这辈子也不可能补了，意识流+古罗马古装戏普通人是无法消化的，怪不得连导演都要致敬式吐槽了。
明白导演想举重若轻，却没感受到那份举重若轻，总感觉劲没到位。
完成度还不错的爱情小品，充满了生活质感，拍出了上海这座城市的精致和烟火气。宁理老师是亮点。
终于，我们有了一部讲述都市成年人世界、成年人爱情的，即有一定生活的正常气息，又有一些理想主义色彩，还夹杂了些文学青年（中年）乌托邦梦想的轻喜剧了。爆笑，以及，热泪，都是我真实的反应。
主要角色看似性格突出，但构造得非常虚弱，金句掩盖了人物真正的行事逻辑和弧光，反而立不起来。俏皮话的加入也容易破坏对话、进而叙事的流畅性。贴满小红书标签、抖几个电影名就叫文艺浪漫了，不知道从哪学的臭毛病。
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