Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
Jack Trainer领盒饭的方式简直和《阅后即焚》、《黑金杀机》如出一辙啊，论配角惊艳的吸睛技巧…
1984年有部同样题材的电影，绿宝石，由迈克尔道格拉斯和凯瑟琳特纳主演，导演是罗伯特泽米基斯，与本片相比这部电影就好看多了。
布拉德皮特酱油盒饭宇宙再次喜加一！片子本身很蠢很口水没点评价值，吃夜宵时无聊看看吧
为何评分这样低？？这部剧每个笑点都怼中我 自黑喜剧界的一朵奇葩 电影院上座率有点低但是我和其他观众笑到嚎叫
整部电影搞笑不搞笑，迷幻不迷幻，悬疑不悬疑，探险不探险，动作不动作，爱情不爱情。莫名其妙。
剧本像是根据明星的任务逆向工程出来的。布洛克在本片的表现（出棺材之前）是心情的真实体现吧。
爆米花片，一路“尴尬”到结尾，“我太怕再次被生活伤害，我就停止了生活”这说的不就是现在的我吗？皮特结尾还出来一趟是着实没想明白
有趣在各个主演的风格上，还有插科打诨上，剧本感觉稍微逊色点
我觉得丹尼尔真的还蛮适合演那种偏执变态但又干不成大坏事的反派形象的。
查宁一个猛男非要装逗比，关键是皮特的串场让人莫名兴奋和突然死亡的拉胯，直到结尾的复活，搞得莫名其妙！丹尼尔可有有牛逼的飞机，却带着1-2个随从拿着气死风灯勇闯神秘岛，不知道中国产的LED大灯吗？正反角色逗比套着一个冒险的故事做着想引人发笑的台词表演，看的毫无兴奋点！
总有一种桑德拉布洛克和布拉德皮特努力扶哈利波特的感觉
哈哈哈哈什么玩意儿看一乐呵有些反讽暗语但很没意思也很低级……不过要说的是女人当家作主站起来了！不再是60岁的007配20岁小嫩妞儿了！咱妇女在50多的时候也能把到小鲜肉！这大臂膀子！这大翘屁深股沟子！谁看谁不迷糊！只是皮特龙套跑得太干脆……以及很多陈家班打斗场景……乌鱼子…所以这是在致敬复古吗……
一部属于三不像的电影，不像探险片，不像爱情片，也不大能称得上是喜剧片，于是，影片成功的沦落到了平庸至极。
虚幻的小说成为现实，停摆的生活高速翻转。昨日还在失爱的追忆中沉溺，转眼便在险恶的山林处逃窜。失落的遗址留下秘语，传说的瑰宝藏匿深处。没有璀璨华丽的珠宝，只有思念成疾的呼唤。远离尘嚣也不愿诀别，一个个贝壳书写出动人的爱情。腰缠万贯也抵不过你的陪伴，我愿永眠于你的身畔。传说与现实的互文，原来我也一直忽略了我生命中的瑰宝，只需要一个吻就能重生，撕碎过去便能成为更好的自己……
除了钱老板被吸血的屁股【确实会被屏幕外的txl无限吸血】，不知道这部影片还有什么看点？探险就像儿戏，吐槽都不到位，只能用爱情来解释奇观，到底嗨个什么劲。
冲着演员和题材，才看的这片。……布拉德皮特，耍帅十分钟，一枪爆头；桑德拉布洛克，无厘头的喜剧女王；哈利波特，反派，呵呵……探险的剧情也是弱爆了，网络大电影
这种片就是想看好身材男女主多点激情四射的爱情戏，所以太寡淡了点吧，还是蛮好笑的
比较老套路的冒险喜剧片，不能算是动作片，动作场面比较少而且也没啥亮点，倒是桑婆和查老板打嘴炮的时间得占了全片的一半，但是也是比较无聊乏味，比较惊喜的算是皮特叔的客串，但是戏份太少，没有啥发挥空间的就挂了。特效视觉效果上做的还不错，要能在影院看的话可能效果会更好，只可惜应该还是没有任何动静，可能是没了。整体来说，剧情无趣，完全靠两位主角撑起来的，看完印象深刻的点就只有查老板的性感翘臀了。。
嗯符合烂片出好歌的定律 就是说 一把年纪了都别这么为难自己了好不好
2.5,白期待那么久，什么玩意儿啊，找来几个大牌都搭不到一起去，选角定位最失败的就是男主，完全不适合，这不是浪费资源嘛，这不是浪费资源嘛！
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